The Ungrateful

Her hand stretched fingers towards him, gently
they froze on his skin, which was stonecold, permanently
her own wounds barely healed, the scars drawing patterns
all over her skin, through her heart and lines scattered

She wanted to heal his wounds, his broken soul, his pain
she saw what bothered him and made him withdraw
she understood every inch of his suffering
but all she tried remained desperately in vain
he turned around and closed his walls
and all she could do was leaving

he made a self-fulfilling prophecy come true, for himself
and what did she? she took that razor blade from her shelf
she wanted to stare in the face of futility and end
the ever-repeating cycle of heartbreak and
losing people she loved
more than herself

the metal cut through her skin and into her blood
she did not feel anything but bliss, a silent mood
the sharpness of the blade meant freedom
the dropping of red liquid meant home

one breath and another breath and blood dripping
no pain, no tears, no longing, just breathing
good-bye then it is, to all of her nightmares
awake and asleep, nothing to share
one drop after another, leaving
her empty shell

„Here you are,“ she whispered, „my love, here you are!“
„I sacrifice this vessel to you, a hollow vessel it is,
take my soul with you, take it far
and perhaps one day you’ll miss
the unconditional
the unquestioning
the absolute
my love“

and with a last sigh she lay down on a mountain top
watched the sunset and closed her eyes, dreaming
slowly, her breath began to stop
and she stopped feeling

which was all she has ever wanted, to make her stupid heart quit beating
and slide into infinite darkness, to meet her only true king
the man in the black hoodie

Posted in Allgemein | Leave a comment

The City and the River

she was watching the blue lines from above
tracing loops and serpentines
crawling through the valley
she was feeling solitude and love
at the same time, drawing lines
to cross the paths and alleys

your waves were bracing riverbanks, gently
and cobblestones and sandcastles and bare feet
before entering the lithic, vice-like chokey
of city walls, space regulated, grey concrete

yout tried to hide behind the walls of silence
you tried to shut out every trespasser and guest
but the waters broke through anyway
they flooded streets and yards and, hence
they laid your stubbornnes and vice to rest
and washed all bitterness away

she directed the river towards you
she blew the winds of fate
she made the currents brake through
your defence built of rocks and hate

another man made-dwelling that could not withstand
the forces of Ceridwen and all the fluids in her hands
the force of life cannot be barred from existence
the city and the river
belong together
not by chance

Posted in Allgemein | Leave a comment

Mountain Top

soft green meadows beneath my feet
the smell of forest, fir tree resin
wooden, herbal, bittersweet
on the mountain
there is no sin
so they say

a mournful sinner woman am i
pushing myself higher, to the limit
the rocks, the crest, the sky
i do my penance on the summit
sometimes you lose, sometimes you win
on the mountain there is no sin
or so they say

laid myself naked into your arms
faking innocence in the face of treason
held your warm skin close to mine
offering you all my charms
lost control over thought and reason
and slowly decomposed into decline

is there no sin on mountain tops?
searching for innocence in altitude
with every step my spirit stops
hoping for repentance in this solitude

the world is small from up here
so are our hopes and sin and fear
do they still matter, thus, when we descend
into the valleys of our minitiature selves again?

i gave you love, the love i had to share
is this a sin?
i laid my life and soul into your hands, bare
will it haunt me?

on mountain tops there is no sin, they say …
let our hearts stay up there, then, in innocence
you have it yours, i have it my way
two valleys torn apart
by mountain tops
gone astray

Posted in Allgemein | Leave a comment


between scattered rocks, laying bare
naked bodies – innocent – like children
at the shores of a bay, human presence where
silence is the only constant and pudency lies hidden

ancient landscapes surrounding the ocean
remnatns of times past
when waterdrops shaped rocks continuously
relentlessly forming
creating corners and edges, transitory
that will never last
like our bodies, bronze tanned skins
catching the rays of light
for the moment, one summer, one season
but hopelessly longing
for eternal bliss
on a lonely beach out of sight

there is an old couple splashing water onto each other,
like kids playing in the sea, old familiar pals
and a child searching for coloured stones with her mother
and a lonely diver who is counting his shells

and there is me, only me, like always, alone
diving into the pages of my books and underwater
absorbing the moment and reaching farther
for answers and wisdom and some sort of home

happiness lies in the moment, they say
and i am watching those couples, bathing naked in the sea
like gods and goddesses of another time, places far away
and i feel that the sky is the limit, we are all free
even if solitude is what seems
to limit me in my dreams

at least for a moment i have found it:
the magical realm of Atlantis

Posted in Allgemein | Leave a comment

Cityscapes #1

walking those streets
unfamiliar, yet

trying to make home what does not feel like home

the only constant in life is reshaping
of who you are and spaces you are dwelling in
constantly meeting yourself within realms
of the unknown

i have become estranged to myself
too often, searching

i am still aiming to take my gound
cultivate my soil, establish my roots

they have not been given to me
i’m an aerial root
longing for soil

like a flower that emerges from a fissure in concrete
a flower that hooks its roots inside rocks
i have tried to make myself indigenous
to whatever surrounding
there might be

the stranger within me is a stranger to myself
adjusting, aligning, assimilating

but the ME within me keeps
waiting for a like-minded pack of lobas
a family to belong to
one day

between rocks or concrete
capabale of rooting

“The self is only a threshold, a door, a becoming between two multiplicities”
Deleuze & Guattari – A Thousand Plateaus


Posted in Allgemein | Leave a comment

Why poetry and writing has saved my life …

„There’s a reason poets often say ‚Poetry saved my life‘, for often the blank page is the only one listening to the soul’s suffering, the only one registering the story completely, the only one receiving all softly and without condemnation.“ – CLARISSA PINKOLA ESTES

Posted in Allgemein | Leave a comment

Ís enda Bál

i’ve been walking roads
in a strange light

they took me where my feet walked
they carried me along the paths
of heartbreak, daydreams
and wonder

the sun was dimmed and i clinged to that book
and to that can of beer (Viking :-))
and the story took
me on a path of self-discovery
by means of words alone
a revealing daft allegory

dystopian tales of a red maid in chains
invisible chains of the mind
a parable of rape and the logic behind
made me look back and forgive
myself for being raped
by someone I trusted
by someone I loved

i discovered an old lover long lost
between pages and wisely crafted words
i found this old pal again:
literature, writing
the art of words

i embraced this long lost love as a lonely traveller
in strange lands
strange lights
literature, my old love
aimed to provide answers
and raise questions

and while i was standing there in awe of nature
the most powerful force there is
and while i was breathing in ceaseless wind
under a sky lit by that strange yellow gleam
and while i was devouring the stories crafted by Atwood
most inspecting, haunting, yet true
i finally allowed myself to feel, in mere solitude
the ache of letting go
the ache of forgiving myself
for something that wasn’t
and never has been
my fault

in true silence, in the face of a windy beach, a rainy mountain top,
in true silence is, where we can finally hear our hearts mourn
and the process of mourning is what we need
to move on

i survived, that’s it
once more

an artist of survival indeed
and writing – the art of words – the healer
for the pains of loss
loss of time

to overcome heartbreak might take ages
because life without love ain’t life
so be it
love is the only constant in life

Posted in Allgemein | Leave a comment

Mini Joys

Enjoy the small things, they said.
So I went to the local Mini Market. To buy some fruits and wine.
There I saw your arms, strong, muscular, tanned.

There was nothing more than a friendly and timid smile. And a Hello.
I smiled back. Hello.

It went on like this. Everytime I came for buying just small things.
Once you passed me in the aisle. From behind. There was not much space between me and the shelves. So your hand very carefully and softly brushed my shoulder and arm and you said Sorry. So I stepped aside. But this soft, careful touch of yours, gently, as if you’re stroking my arm like a feather while still trying to feel the smooth texture of my skin with every fingertip of yours, it gave me the bumps.

This is the way I want to be looked at. This is the way I want to be touched.

When you finally took your courage to talk to me, I was surprised.
You tried to look brave, manly, self-assured. But I could see through your boyish facade.
You were as nervous as me. Trying to impress. I liked that.

But still I got scared and never visited your shop again until the day of my departure. You had touched something inside me that I’d thought lost, or that I had deliberately buried deep inside. And unleashing it kind of freaked me out.

So I’d subconsciously decided to cherish the small things.
That shy smile. That soft touch. That over-compensating behaviour of yours, trying to impress me, though, not really knowing what to say. Soft and clumsy at the same time.
I enjoyed every little second. Even if nothing ever happened. Not more than that.

The only thing I was pretty sure of was, that this little smile and the shy hellos we gave each other at that point, meant the world to both of us. To you, because perhaps the tourists never usually see you, with kindness, you, the shop assistant. And to me, because I am not used to be seen, as I am not pretty. It restored something inside me, though, a wound that needed mending. If I would have been brave enough, I would have hugged you good bye. Just for this little gift of being seen, as a woman, and touched, like a treasure.



Posted in Allgemein | Leave a comment

Vienna #2_Perspectives

a brighter visit
a lighter time of year
and points of transition

i am counting stars within the celestial body of urban stratospheres
a smokey bar again, with crazy reflections of the past on the walls
and handicraft instructions for a brighter future
projected onto the ceiling
chin up, girl!

walking the same old roads
brushing away memories
that’s not me anymore
that was someone who barely felt
her feet touching the ground
this time it’s different
i’m focussed
now i know
i am

the old familiar new
a destination without pressure
a love without a lover
devotion to the profane
the simplicity of a silent afternoon
between photographs
reflecting on a life
already in 3D

and the passion for stories
written by life
no drama
no more

i’ve taken life apart in order to see
the substance between the pieces
that keeps it together
the bigger picture

it ain’t the frame
it ain’t the content
it’s just the way
you decide to
look at it

the layers are many
the deconstruction

but in the end
it’s just a matter
of perspective

(Thanks to Alfons Schilling and Westlicht Gallery for inspiration. /
Thanks to Vroni, Lisa, Ahi, Christina, Sigi and Gertud
for being an irpiring constant in my life)

Posted in Allgemein | Leave a comment

Vienna #1_Old Love Dost Not Rust

a patterned old tile floor in a smokey bar
where once the alley cats
used to walk upon

to sounds of songs we liked when young
we fill the air with chinwag
and laughter


gossiping about the good old days
when promise lay ahead of us
the promise of endless possibilities

else2i see your love and affection for each other
in your eyes and smiles and way of talking
and i’m sitting there, more than grateful
for the time and thoughts we share


or the other day when we were sitting in another place, pondering
on the meaning of togetherness, love and longing
intangible abstractions, like a painting
by Georgia O’Keefe


and the moment we discern that love
lies in the present
no matter with whom
you share it
and what

loneliness, the only constant in life
dreaded but needed
to inspire opus
like incense

the lonely artist finds her voice only
within the realm of madness
her true muse

a cold wind shaking my bones reminds my heart of its frozen state
ready to build walls against the next inevitable injury
but what would be an open heart
without bleeding?

it is better to love, i’m infering though
to be in love with the impossible
than not to love at all
as true love can only
be accessed through
severe pain

resistance is futile
i’m pain, i’m love
thank you


„Take your broken heart, make it into art.“ – R.I.P Carrie Fisher


Posted in Allgemein | Leave a comment